Table for 4

The roads are slick and icy this morning....so it is was no surprise that I was alone in the yoga studio this morning....I wasn't all that keen about the idea of venturing out either. Instead of inward meditation in the studio, I am using this time to meditate on my family and the coming week. 

We had several very generous offers from friends to share Thanksgiving with their families as we will not have the opportunity to celebrate with our immediate families this year. Feeling that this may be the last year that we will be our little family of four, I felt strongly about pulling in and focusing on "us".  I am quite sure that even though "the little one" who was punished yesterday, will have the privilege of watching TV by Thursday, and be able to watch the Macy's parade. The girls have found a comfortable routine: setting up a palate on the floor, the little one takes the drawer out of the bathroom cabinet and carefully organizes the plethora of pony tail holders, ribbons, clippies, headbands, etc that have gradually, since last November 25, taken on a life of their own. The older one will organize the sock bins, while they delight in the floats and the festivities of the celebration.  Every year they ask me about what it is like to really be there, in Manhattan, to experience it. Every year, I patiently explain that there are similarities and differences. A sample similarity might include: Temperature in our 88 year old house is probably the same as on the streets of NYC - the wind just doesn't blow as hard inside. A difference might be that jostling for a good view is next to impossible given the number of folks and unless one of the enormous balloons has actually broken away and is escaping directly over your head, your view from our home is much better quality.

Turkey is a delicious treat. Roasted garlic mashed potatoes with really fabulous gravy might be better.

I so look forward to this mouth watering feast. I am also hyper aware that only a small percentage of folks have this luxury.  Not a guilt trip - just a fact.

And, for me, much more than the food, is the extravagance of having, not just one -  but two, healthy, bright, children that I am able to spend time with. To love, to tickle, to brush their hair, to squeeze, to smell and to delight in their laughter. I am ABLE to do all of these things and more through the grace of God. And for that - I am giving up a wealth of thanks.

Relocation

Approved

Posted on September 11, 2010 by marieelena

“It has been determined that you are able to furnish proper care to an orphan…” the letter began. Such a loaded statement.
Approval of our I-600A application which was received on April 26 by USCIS was formalized favorably on Sept 4, 2010. The last piece required by our agency to officially enter into the queue for a referral. I spoke to our contact on Thursday and she informed me there are about 55 families on the list right now and once we received our approval, we would be placed as of the date on the form.
It is hard to imagine how different our lives will be with the addition of another child. Change is not usually easy for any of us – but that doesn’t mean it has to be an unfavorable change. I remember feeling so scared of the changes that would occur once babyGrace was born. So afraid….how would I be able to love another child as much as I loved Miranda? how would Miranda manage the addition? how would we afford another baby and all that came with that 8lbs. 2 oz of fuzzy headed, smooth skinned angel that smelled like heaven?
Obviously this change will have so many other variables to add to the mix….how will we manage becoming a trans-racial family overnight? will we all attach in a healthy way? will sleep as I know it fly out the window?
Like pretty much everything in the future, we cannot know for certain how it will open up before us. We are placing our hope in the faith that what we have to offer, as a family, will enhance the life of someone who might not otherwise have the opportunities we want to share ~ a loving, mostly normal family. a stable home with loving parents who are home every night. healthy meals taken together. siblings with significant gifts to share. a nurturing environment in which to thrive. We are not anywhere close to perfect, but we know what we have is blessing that is meant to be shared.

Posted in Adoption | 1 Comment

Places Traveled

Posted on September 1, 2010 by marieelena

This morning during breakfast, one of the girls asked me if she had flown a million miles in “all of her travels”. I told her I didn’t think so and smiled so as not to squash her thoughts, if that was moving into a future goal possibilty in her mind. She then asked me if I had flown a million miles and I probably have – seven years as a flight attendant will go a long way toward mileage accumulation. She then asked me if I had signed up for a frequent flyer program….I saw where she was going…if I had signed up and I had collected all of these miles, shouldn’t I be the proud bearer of loads of free flights??? Oh how I wish it worked that way.
I found this fun little map and updated it to reflect the places I have been. What you can’t see into this are all of the memorable and totally forgettable memories that go along with each adventure.
Most recently, France and England with my family. Looking back, an adventure to Aruba and Antigua with my Mom – one of the only trips she and I took together while I had flight benefits. A few flights to a very tiny island in the Bahamas with the most pristine beaches I’ve ever seen and not one motorized vehicle. A week in the south Pacific. Long layovers in San Francisco and Cleveland in the dead of winter ( July and January, respectively) that were so painful for the obvious reasons, I tear up just forcing myself to remember. On top of all of that – all of the people that were shuttled from one location to another – the brief interactions we had before parting to move on in our lives.
I recall one woman boarding the plane with a toddler and a little plastic potty chair in tow. At that point, I was seasoned enough to know if it fit in the overhead bin - I really didn’t need to know any additional details. I don’t even think we had taken off yet, when she flung that potty chair down in the middle of the aisle while slinging down that toddlers bloomers and plopping her tiny hiney on the pot in one fell swoop. Turns out she had just adopted her and was on the long way home from Russia. One of the few words they shared at this point was the word for “Igottago” and not wanting to” let go” of the newly learned mile stone, she went with it….all the way from Russia. I really don’t think it would be possible to fully express the level of unfiltered disgust that came over me as I watched this event unfold as a single 27 year old who was as close to that reality as I was to Russia- I mean “what the hell”?
Well guess what?
I’m next.

Posted in Travel | Tagged Travel | 1 Comment

Home Study Completed

Posted on July 9, 2010 by marieelena

4 days shy of 4 months and our home study arrived in the mail – just lounging up against the side of the box – like it was us that took so long to get there.
It has arrived. ’nuff said.
All of our documents had seen an official notary, received the required Secretary of State approval on said notary and were forwarded to our adoption agency. I almost cried going to the post office, but knowing the ladies would be conspicuously disgusted by that display of emotion, I opted instead to put on some lipstick and have them take my picture mailing it off.

Mailing documents for our dossier

A few days later we received a nice e-mail welcoming us officially to the program and then a phone meeting with the woman who will manage our adoption from here on out.
The home study was also the last document we needed to send in to USCIS to complete our application for the I-600A. I had mailed in all of other documents in April. We received our formal letter for the biometrics appointment and it is unfortunately at a time we are unable to get to Omaha. I had to return the form and ask for another time. Newman! Once we get that final fingerprinting completed, we wait for our approval. THAT approval will slip us into the queue for a referral!!!
I think that brings us up to date there.
Girls had some swimming fun before they left for Madison and then onto New Orleans with Meme & PawPaw.

Posted in Adoption, Girls | 2 Comments

Crap Shoot

Posted on May 20, 2010 by marieelena

The little one and I were having a little time together while The older one was at rehearsal for Les Mis last night. I was lightly “scratching” her arms and back and we were discussing her day. All of a sudden – she sits up, turns around and announces, with great delight,”I gambled today – IN SCHOOL! Our teacher rolled a die and then we would write down what number was on the die, and then she would roll it again and we had to guess what number appeared that time and then another – and then you could stand up if you wanted to….But if she rolled a 1 while you were standing up- you lost!
Our teacher called it “probability” – but it was really gambling!
When we were done – one girl asked if we could play Poker tomorrow cuz she plays it all the time with her dad.
We talked about the idea and I said “So I can go home and tell my mommy that I gambled today in school”?
Then she had to explain it ALL over again – about the probability-not the gambling.

Posted in Gracie | 1 Comment

46

Posted on May 7, 2010 by marieelena

Some folks have time lines on their blogs noting dates as they move through their paper pregnancy. I guess I haven’t really kept track of some of it…I’ll be thrilled to pieces if our home study is written any time soon. I told our social worker that I was really hoping it would be completed by my B-day.
So here we are. It’s been May 7 for 13 hours now.. and the home study is still swirling and bobbing out there in the foaming void that is the Bermuda triangle of social worker chaos. But I digress.
A very loose time line of our process should look like this

• Make a firm decision to open our family to a child through adoption- 12 years

• Choose an ethical agency – 1 month (Jan 12-Feb 12)

• Select/apply/begin/complete home study- average time 1-3 months. We are at 2 months, 3 weeks, 4 days.

• Submit I600A application to US Citizenship Immigration Service/receive fingerprinting card and receive clearance to adopt an orphan – average time 6 weeks-4 months. Our application went in 2 weeks ago and we are waiting for our finger printing cards. A completed home study needs to be submitted along with this application, but I submitted early without it in the hopes of jumping the gun. If we don’t get the flipping home study soon, I may stand in front of the gun to get someone’s attention.

• Submit all documents that have been certified and or notarized, then sent to the Secretary of each state from whence they came for additional authentication – examples are birth certificates, marriage certificates, reference letters, power of attorney, doctors certificates of health to the adoption agency to complete the dossier.

• Dossier is completed with all of that, plus the I600A approval – which approves us for another government form and I think then…
  

• Agency sends all of that to Ethiopia for translation and we’re on the list for a referral.

• They said there is a 4-10 month wait to be matched.

• We will then have to travel twice ( new law as of April) for both court hearings in ET. First time to meet the child and formally “accept” the referral and the next trip – a month or two later to formalize the adoption in ET.

• We will probably have to re-adopt when we return to get a new US birth certificate – but the child will be ours and a legal US citizen upon entering the US after making both of the trips.
  

Today is also World Orphan Day. There are 145 million children around the world without a Mom or Dad.

In an effort to educate myself, here are a few facts about people in Ethiopia:

Life expectancy – under 55 years

In 2004 there were about 4.5 million orphans in Ethiopia. 539,000 of these children were orphaned due to AIDS. Today more than 11 per cent of all children are orphans.

Newborns dying before age 1 are 1 in 10

Children dying before age 5, often from preventable diseases are 1 in 6

Physicians per 100,000 people – 3

I am giving thanks today for the health of our families and for our blessed children this far.

Posted in Adoption | 2 Comments

Lagniappe Angel

Posted on March 26, 2010 by marieelena

Lagniappe:
[Louisiana French, from American Spanish la ñapa, the gift : la, the (from Latin illa, feminine of ille, that, the) + ñapa (variant of yapa, gift , from Quechua , from yapay, to give more).]
REGIONAL NOTE Lagniappe derives from New World Spanish la ñapa, “the gift,” and ultimately from Quechua yapay, “to give more.” The word came into the rich Creole dialect mixture of New Orleans and there acquired a French spelling. It is still used in the Gulf states, especially southern Louisiana, to denote a little bonus that a friendly shopkeeper might add to a purchase. By extension, it may mean “an extra or unexpected gift or benefit.”
And so it begins - our adoption journey.
A New Orleans girl at heart, paired with a Denver boy, transplanted in North-West Iowa, we are praying to come together with an extra gift.
We are a family of 4 at the moment….hoping to add an unexpected gift in the near future. We are knee deep in a home study – one of the first exercises in patience when beginning the process of adoption.
Jan 12, 2010 shook the area of Port-au-Prince, Haiti. I was there on a mission trip just 2 years ago and was deeply touched by the beauty of the people. I think this disaster jolted something in me when I thought back to all of the children I was in contact with during our time in Haiti. I immediately began researching adoption – this wasn’t a new idea to my husband and I, but this was the time. As it became quickly apparent, adoption of any children from Haiti would be years in the process, I turned my focus toward the greatest need and who would have the likes of us as adoptive parents. Seeing orphans with no one to kiss, hug and adore them is simply unacceptable. We have a pretty normal family – I know we have love. I know we have kisses and I know it is our responsibility to extend that to one who doesn’t have it. Staring down the barrel of 46, doesn’t exactly scream “Fresh Young Parent”, and countries have definite ideas about who they will accept as adoptive parents. Our qualifications and Ethiopia seemed a good match.
I was not prepared for just how emotional all of this can make a girl – truly – like the emotional roller coaster of puberty! From the simple act of telling friends our hopes of adoption ( I mean the Home Study folks haven’t given us a gold start yet) to picking up a medical form and seeing that the Dr. added 1 single line to the “required” verbiage, expressing his recommendation. Shoulder shakin heaves. I am actually learning to get through these outbursts with minimal make-up damage control. I’m not sure what that says about me.
Don’t want to.
Really, I mean it.
It has been interesting hearing and seeing the “feedback” we’ve received when adding this tidbit into conversations. Everyone has an opinion. It has been somewhat heart breaking to me that with a few exceptions, I’ve found more support on the internet. I’m not sure what that says about me.
Don’t want to know.
Really, I mean it.
Should one have to read support, I ask you?
God has instructed us to take care of each other. While I have no illusions that it will be without hiccups, it is the right path to take and a call not to be ignored.